Loving your life and wanting to kill yourself feel the same.
It's the same feeling but different perspectives. I don't care about anything but this moment because I'm free and down to die whenever but going to enjoy myself before it's time.
By knowing that literally nothing matters because I'm going to die no matter what and also welcoming it with wide open arms, I am in love with my life and all the things I can and have been doing with it.
All I care about is maximizing the things that bring me joy in my life and finding joy in doing the things that will bring me that joy I am trying to maximize.
And I'm talking about authentic joy. Absolute presence and love for every second you're experiencing. Not that "it's only fun if I'm not in my body" joy or that "I'm doing something I hate so I can receive attention and acceptance which brings me joy" joy.
The joy of not wanting to change a single thing about what you're doing. The joy of being engulfed by the love pouring out of your heart and receiving the same love from those around you. The joy of learning and creating. The joy of letting go. The joy of being alive.
Being a human sucks. There is so much needless suffering. Our brains have so many bugs in the programing. Our bodies are so inefficient. Our emotions literally run us and our egos are so loud.
As a species, we have created so many rules. They get hard to follow. So many don't make sense. And alone, we're too small to change them. So I started following my own rules.
I own every action. Every decision I make. I accept all my consequences. And always lead with honesty. It's the most efficient way of living. And brings me so much joy.
And remembering all of these things, and not stressing about the future or beating myself up for the past, I love my life. Every single second of it. Even the moments that suck.
The present moment is all that matters. I can't change the past and I can't see the future. All I can do is be here right now, following my line of decisions.
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